Here's a new collection of self portraits I did in my spare time... (some of which I've already displayed in previous posts)

  This portrait was done with coffee and tea stains.  I was bored and didn't want to just sit doing nothing, so I took a large napkin and played!

   This was how I looked late one night.  My hair was tired and dirty and the ends just draped over my shoulder in some melodramatic way.  I think this image says a lot about myself when I am most lonely and depressed.  I have been depressed a lot over this last month.  One of the worst things about depression is that it doesn't enable you to recieve and recognize love; the sorrow just warps your heart.  However, my depression comes and goes and one of the reasons why I haven't blogged in a long while is because I don't like reading over the crazy things I write when I'm depressed.  I don't think you all out there want to hear me complain about how love lorn I am, anyway!

   I had this dream that a white butterfly was trying to get out of my stomach.  I had to puncture myself to get it out, and when it did, it burst out and I woke up in a lot of pain.  Seems like last night's snack of popcorn and bratwurst didn't agree with me.

   Another vision of comfort.  I call this my cosmic-cuddle-cocoon position -- the colors and spiral pattern helped me sleep -- it has a meditative look to it.  While painting this I realized something: saddest thing about being in a relationship that is usually described as a 'friendship-with-benefits' -- you don't get the honors and promises of future happiness that you can obtain once someone makes you their girlfriend, and, at any moment, the relationship can end leaving you with an empty aftertaste.  Of course then how can I forget that getting into a major romantic relationship has its pitfalls as well; breaking up is always more likely than staying together.  I feel I'm better off not clinging to any scenario because any relationship can be a scary thing.  This is what gets me sad; not having the love I want and too damn scared clueless to do anything about it.  If only I could cling to happiness more than to the things that make me sad... and if only new people weren't so 'strange.'

   In an explosion of strength, I painted my body changing.  I'm trying to get healthy here.

   Okay, this isn't a picture of me, just a Moon snake on a shard of midnight!