Well, another Turkey Day has come and gone. Thanksgiving is not a major holiday in my books anyway, it's more of a white folk's gig. For American Indians it's just another day like Columbus Day where we're reminded of how shafted we were by the white man. But not really. I mean, I could be an old grump and complain, but seriously, this American tradition isn't all that bad. At least I get a decent meal courtesy of my family and I usually don't have to cook. Not that I'm a bad cook, I'm just lazy. Today I'm just thankful that I've got a safe place to live and am not starving.

Over the years the way I view Thanksgiving has changed and it isn't due to anyone preaching anything at me, just realized that, in my experience, it can be a very lonely holiday if you're single with no kids living on a tight budget. In college my friends would invite me over to their family's house because they felt it was a shame I'm alone at home dining on pizza. I always told them it was no big deal and that my family really doesn't have a Thanksgiving traditional celebration anyway. Nowadays it's community that feels obligated to give me food and I don't turn down free food, however sometimes I think we need to be giving to others like this more often than just a few days in winter, if you know what I mean. I think Thanksgiving is something of an illusion like Santa Claus on Christmas, something nice to dream about and long for; a time we can set aside to gather with family and friends. I don't know. Maybe I'm just cynical or a little bitter but I have very few Thanksgiving memories that I can recall fondly: like the men on the white side of the family ignoring everyone at the dinner table while they watch football, the time I burnt the Turkey and my mother told me how stupid I was for even trying, and the many Thanksgiving dinners I spent with other families who seemed to have things a lot better than me and I'd try to fit in without feeling abnormal. It also sucks sometimes that everything closes early and I have to schedule things around a holiday I really don't celebrate. People also react weirdly whenever they ask you what you're doing for Thanksgiving and I tell them that all I'm going to do is sleep in and watch a movie. They either feel sorry for me or are intimidated over what they believe is something stanchly moral or political on my part for thinking that it's just a white folks holiday. Of course it isn't just white people who celebrate Thanksgiving, but you gotta admit that it's not something a Native American person would celebrate considering that, like Columbus Day, it marks a sad event -- my ancestors were willing to share this land and its bounty, but those we welcomed had other ideas...

About the only good memory I have of Thanksgiving is the time I met someone very special.  The year was 2000 and, just like any other Thanksgiving, I was planning on spending it alone with a good watch and read -- just like someone I had met online.  Andrew, who was just another name on my email list, invited me to meet him and, like some crazy fool without even thinking how I was going to get there or even thought of what risks I was taking going off to meet someone I didn't know what he looked like, I went and nearly had a heart attack when I met him.  It's a bitter sweet memory now considering that we're no longer the close friends we once were.  I wonder now if I would take such a risk again.  I wonder how I will meet someone of you out there I correspond with online; some contacts lead to strong friendships, others are just to satisfy the curiousity.

So Thanksgiving is both depressing and nice at the same time for me. Good that I get free food, but leaves a bad taste in my mind when I think about my ancestors and about so many other people out there who have it much worse than me. So I give thanks cautiously. It also feels weird today to not be working on the day after Thanksgiving. This is the first Day After I haven't worked in over a decade. I feel unproductive and more than a little stingy with my money. I'm never amazed, however, at the examples of greed I see during this time of year. I don't dare walk near a Wal-Mart for fear of getting run over by some madwoman with a shopping cart. It's times like these I just want to be home alone anyway. So excuse me while I run back under the covers and curl up with a good book or movie. Besides, it's cold out there!