Outside our small safe place flies Mystery... A snake beneath the forest floor, a whisper: Melusine

I've often been asked by some frightened mothers and mothers of friends and friends of friends who are really young what they should look out for if their kid or friend is going to end up choosing Wicca as a religion.  It's like they want to find out if it's going to just be a phase the kid is going through or not.  Truth is, it's hard to tell if a young adult is going to be a witch or not because when you are a teen, your life is constantly changing and it's only going to become more challenging as you get older.  When a teen comes to me to learn more about Wicca, or, more specifically, Witchcraft, I usually ask them if their parents know of their intentions to become a Witch.  Usually the answer is a "no" and I tell them to wait til they are 18 or get their parent's permission before they formally decided to learn.  Chances are, they are going to learn no matter what I or any adult, especially their parents, have to say.  That is what I did.  Kids are stubborn like that. 

 

I have to go back and review my life as a teen and remember what I went through in my spiritual awakening.  On the risk of sounding like an old hag who recounts the old days like throwing a wet blanket on someone else's enthusiasm for my own religion, I have to say that things for teen witches are a lot easier now than they were in the '80s.  Nowadays more books geared towards teens interested in Wicca are on the shelves and, with the advent of the internet, more kids are finding teachers and Pagan authors online available to answer their questions and give them support.  When I first heard about Wicca I was only 13 and it was through a very out dated book on Demonology.  I didn't really know what Wicca was, all I knew was that it sounded cool and creepy and that it pissed off my strict Christian mother.  At that time, anything to rebel against my mother was a good thing for me.  I was testing every adult's boundaries then but it was something I out grew.  Yes, I out  grew the need to gain attention from others for being different because, frankly, there was nothing more to rebel against for me once I got out of high school and lived in my own home.  In college I found people who were a lot like me who were "real" witches and I learned from them more than I ever did through books alone.  But the groups I became involved with were peopled with individuals who were flawed.  I learned from their mistakes as much as I learned from my own.

 

Not too contrary to many young pagans today, I started into Wicca as a rebel and no one really took me seriously.  Elders thought I was just going to end up being one of those kids who would grow out of it just like I would pop music and bubble gum.  I loved Heavy Metal music, drank, did illegal drugs, and had a wild sex life.  Interest in Witchcraft was just a by product of my personal rebellion because I wasn't supposed to study about other religions.  At one point I even claimed to be a Satanist, but that didn't last because once I met real Satanists I realized I could never be one of them!  So, through trial and error, I stopped being a poser and eventually realized that being Pagan was really not a rebel thing to be at all.  Wicca is just another religion as normal as Christianity, yet you'd never know it the way it is often portrayed in the media.  The whole process of growing up is finding out who you are and separating yourself from all the lies other adults feed you and this can be a very painful, solitary journey that will either make you "one of the herd" or the leader of your own world. 

 

As in the words of Laurie Cabot (the Official Witch of Salem), "the word Witch is a delicious word" and to this day it fills me with reassurance, excitement, and that "I'm at home here" or "I make sense here" kind of self identification.  However, no one recruited me into The Craft.  Nor did any incorporeal spirit come up from the Netherworld to scare me into it.  Also, I didn't need a group to fulfill my identification with Witchcraft.  I found it and it found me and a Witch I will forever be. 

 

But just wanting to be a Witch does not make one a Witch.

 

Nor can someone become a Witch solely through the instruction of another Witch.

 

The Gods make Witches.  And you will know if you are one or not when you grow up.

 

Becoming a practicing Witch takes years of hard work, research, experimentation, and emotional and intellectual endurance.  Witches have to put up with sociopaths as well as endure ridicule and rejection by people of main stream world religions.  And those people who aren't religious will mock you or call you bizarre because they will believe you deluded for worshipping Gods and Goddesses most of the world consider mythology.  

 

Young witches also have the challenge of fitting in with their own kind.  At some point a young witch should experience what it is like to be in a group and socialize with others of a like mind.  Many of us become solitary because we either live in an isolated area like a small town where most people are very conservative or some of us just don't want to put up with the baggage of dealing with other witches.  Witches are an egotisical bunch of folks at times.  We're used to being outcasts and like to run our own show; none of us like to have a heirarchy -- there are no "real" High Priestesses in Wicca, everyone takes turns leading rituals -- and we don't like to associate much with large institutions or affiliate with corporate groups.  In Wicca everyone can become their own priest, and, when you get a church full of priests all in one room, it's rare that they'll all agree on how everything should be run. 

 

Like the mothers who accept their gay children yet hate the fact that gays are not accepted by many other people, parents of teen witches are frightened by what will happen to their kids when they become Pagan.  Even if said parent is very familiar with contemporary Witchcraft, there's still that inkling of fear that compells them not to encourage their child to follow a path that others deem dangerous.  Because there are people out there who HATE the fact that witches exist and who will take the King James version of the Christian Bible seriously ("thou shalt not suffer a witch to live").  I have two friends who were killed because they were "out of the broom closet" witches.  One of them was on the verge of graduating from high school when she was gang raped and killed for being a teen witch in 1988.  The other friend was starting his own organization that included a manifesto of Pagan beliefs.  The hate crimes against Wiccans are not widely publicized.  You're more likely to hear that someone was killed or attacked because they were gay.  Rarely is it reported that someone was killed because they were Wiccan.  Yet there are people out there who are being murdered for what they believe in and young people are an easy target because usually they are more prone to speak openly about their faith and practices with the kind of zeal that any kid would have when speaking about their favorite rock star. 

 

Most teens today are enthused about Wicca because they've seen TV shows or read books that present Wicca as a very fantastical religion which comes with CGI magic spell special effects.  These teens have a very active imagination and are usually more intellectual than other kids.  They are born with a curiousity about the inner workings of the world and want to experience things they've only dreamed about.  Some of these young people are already being harassed by other kids because they are different, so becoming Wiccan is just another hate coupon that couldn't make anything seem worse for them, or so they think. 

 

Another thing that attracts teens to Wicca that is most often over looked is the SELF-EMPOWERMENT that you can gain from Pagan spiritual teachings.  Unlike religions that try to recruit you into a group and ask you to promote a gospel, Wiccans only ask that you learn more about yourself by exploring your dreams and working to make things happen that you desire is allowed.  The teachings also help young people learn how to better appreciate themselves, encourage them to become more independent, and take their education as seriously as they do their Gods.  Most teens who are allowed to become Wicca are more prone to share what they learn with an understanding parent.  Teen Witches who are the children of parents who decide to disown them for choosing an alternative religion are more prone to exhibit problems opening up to others and will have some years of therapy to help them to better accept themselves.  So, if you are a parent who fears that their kid is going to end up a Witch, think about how you felt when you were rejected by your parents for pursuing what you believe in and love.  Take the time to encourage your teen to talk about what they are learning about Wicca;  most young Wiccans LOVE to talk shop with their friends, why not do that at home?  If only my mother had been so bold, we'd probably be the best of pals now...

 

Religion has a way of bringing people together and tearing them apart.  Even the Born Again Christian experiences the loss of family and friends when she chooses to let Jesus come into her heart.  But rare is it for someone to give up their religion just to make their friends and family feel better.  The best thing to do, no matter what your kid chooses to believe, is to support them.  You don't have to agree with them or participate in their rites, just take the time to let them share what they're learning and respect them for the adult they are becoming.  Children are ours to raise, not own or control.  It's hard to remember that when you're trying to protect them.

 

So, after thinking for awhile, and after talking with a few teens at the local tattoo parlor, we compiled a list of things to look out for if you suspect that your kid is serious or not about Witchcraft:

 

Young adults who get interested in the following are prone not to stick with Wicca for long:

• if they were introduced to Wicca via a television show such as "Charmed" or a movie like "The Craft"
• if they do magick to procure hallucinations or visions (usually these individuals are also doing drugs)
• if they are participating in illegal activities such as petty theft and graffiti in the name of Witchcraft
• if they wear a pentagram just to scare off their teachers at school
• if they are uninterested in learning or studying and have no plans to go to college
• if they claim they are gaining supernatural powers (that's when you need to worry as this might be the start of a serious mental illness or personality disorder)

Young adults more prone to stick with Wicca are usually:

• very serious about studying and learning new things, especially science and history
• have a great love for nature and animals
• very talkative about what they believe in and initiate discussions about religion and philosophy at school
• display independence in thought and deed and a willingness to take responsibility for their actions
• peace loving and passionate about saving the environment
• interested in the ancient ways of Pre-Christianized cultures and socieities
• have plans to enter college to increase their awareness of ancient ways
• participate in worthy charities and causes that benefit people other than themselves
• have a strong sense of honor, friendship, and self respect
• are more intelligent and creative than the average high school student
• their friends are from a variety of all walks of life and faith
• they voice their opinions in a rational, non-rebellious way that is not meant to challenge your parental authority but show you that they are thinking on their own terms and ready to share with you what they are experiencing in life
• they wear a pentagram as a symbol of what they hold sacred and will peacefully protest against any teacher or institution that forces them to forsake something so meaningful to them (they may even open a dialogue with their authority figures to educate them about what they believe -- that should definitely indicate to you that your child is serious about Wicca) 

 

However, do not be troubled if your kid is the more rebellous type who is into Wicca.  I certainly wasn't a big intellectual in school, yet I turned out okay.  I believe this happened because I encountered people who knew what I was searching for better than I did and I recieved the guidance I needed to find things out for myself and have loving people who cared about my development as a young witch around me when I needed them most. 

 

So, after all that's settled and you realize that the teen sitting in her room down the hall is going to become a Witch, how do you deal with it?  Respect them by:

• listening to what they have to say
• taking them seriously and not make fun of their religious choices
• make sure that they not become resentful towards people of other religions who may ridicule them for being different
• do not continue the cycle of religious persecution by punishing or damning your child for believing in a religion that is not your own
• never make fun of what they believe in, unless you want to teach them to be disrespectful towards you
• trust them to make the right decisions for themselves, and trust in your own ability as a parent that you taught them well enough to make good decisions on their own
• learn about Wicca by actually picking up one of your child's books on the subject and try to find something you have in common with this new belief system; you don't have to agree with or practice Paganism, you should seek to understand it -- the key to dispelling fear is wisdom, and familiarity dissoloves hatred
• do not use Christian scripture to lure your child back into church; Wiccans do not follow the words in your Bible, however many respect it and rare is the seasoned Witch who hasn't taken a Bible Study course or two in college!
• make sure that they become well informed about Wicca and discourage them from doing illegal activities and drugs; again, let them use their imagination but guide them away from harmful influences such as people who claim to be witches who really aren't
• help guide your child to become wise about spotting fake witches!  A lot of kids get into Wicca and start making up spells in order to be cool.  Sometimes these kids will decide to start their own group and will try to recruit other outcasts into following them.  The so-called self proclaimed leader may not necessarily be harming anyone, but they could, just like any cult leader, prove to become just as dangerous as Charles Manson if they use their charisma to control others to do their will.  Most Wiccans are taught not to do magick to harm others and are discouraged from projecting their will on innocent people.  Young people are easily seduced by personalities who use others and sometimes it's hard to spot these guys.  When you pay attention to what your kid is saying and believing, you can find out from them if they are becoming a follower instead of an individual.  Wiccans always encourage young people to find their own way and discourage them from playing "follow the leader."  In fact most of us are so totally anti-institutional that cult leaders would be hard pressed to convince us to be their lemmings!  

Wiccans respect and are familiar with many different religious ways and beliefs.  It is always in your best interest to do the same, no matter what your religion or lack of religion if you want to get along with other people in the world.  You should also do well to remember that Wiccans of all ages do not believe in or practice proselytizing; we do not convert people to our ways.  We're full of information, however, and are willing to share as long as you keep the conversation friendly.  Most of the time young Wiccans, more than older Wiccans, are forced to become an unofficial spokesperson for their religion when they have to share a room with someone who is uncomfortable with their religious beliefs or when they enter college and take a religious studies course and are asked to talk about what they believe.  Most young Wiccans are unprepared for such an onslaught of questions and this is why many of us are bookworms, learning all we can so we can defend ourselves against such harassment.  Again, the best thing you can do is to support your child and be there to help defend them in their endeavors to protect their right to freedom of religion. 

 

The following should give you some online resources:

The Witches' League for Public Awareness
ReligiousTolerance.org's site on Wicca and other Neo-Pagan Nature Religions
Wicca 101
The Museum of Witchcraft in Boscastle, Cornwall can provide some insight into the history of European Witchcraft
Teen Witch.com is a nice site for Beginners of All Ages
Or search though the list at Yahoo! for even more links