Outside our small safe place flies Mystery... A snake beneath the forest floor, a whisper: Melusine

The Solstice Sunday was powerful and peaceful. Worship was refreshing. I was thankful to feel the old Gods again, to recite words of praise, and then let my entire home be filled with the silence of the snow covering everything outside. I even took a picture of the candle flame in a little copper pot -- my version of a Yule fire, no log, just wax infused with lavender and black amber -- the flame danced, the light reflected rose pink, and I couldn't resist taking a digital picture of myself using the heat to project blessings to my loved ones. I watched a whole herd of deer walk by my apartment, some sank into the snow to rest, others nibbled on branches, a few dared to do the usual knocking down of bird feeders to get a much needed snack. There were so many thoughts and ideas running through my mind, and so many events and feelings that happened over the week here, I have hardly the time to catch up with them on this blog.  But for the moment, the image of the flame, the deer, my cat, the cheer in the silence during Solstice... it lays down a blanket to smother my worries.

The craziness of this week really started with receiving an alarming phone call from my father. He called around midnight from the emergency room complaining about chest pains and high blood pressure. He was so worried he was about to die and it took a great effort on my part to keep him calm. I, on the other hand, though I dared not show it to dad in my voice on the phone, was shivering from a panic attack. There wasn't much I could do for him while I was on the phone three hours away. The distance really hurt, but I felt less and less helpless once dad called me again at 2am to tell me he was back at home and doing better. By the time I finally fell to sleep, another phone call wakes me, this time from my brother announcing that our mother is in the emergency room.  She was having trouble breathing and in a great deal of pain.  Another pang of helplessness surged through me.  As she stabilized, relief allowed me only two hours of rest. 

Actually, I'm only as calm as I am now because my mother is back at home and I think I finally got as much as five hours of sleep last night.  My brother has been a godsend.  Oh, he's still as annoying as all hell to me, but he's been helping out with shoveling and driving.  And I've been helping Dala get the store running while she's still snowed in!  I didn't want to be in the store today, much less stretch out of bed and leave my Mr. Snuggles behind (his little yellow green eyes staring back at me from the window this morning are still too fresh in my mind), but getting out to talk to strangers and generally doing something productive is another balm for the mind.

The only real way for me to relax at all this week was reading Twilight by Stephanie Meyers.  When Miya recommended the series to me, I was reluctant to get into another long line of books I felt I could get obsessed with, so I waited to read a few history books at home first.  Now I realize I shouldn't have waited.  There was no use trying to dip my way into the pool of Twilight saga readership, reading just the preface got me hooked and soon I find myself dog paddling chin deep in the velvety, sultry waters of Stephanie Meyers' prose.

Now each night I dream of glittery vampires.

Much more than I thought I would.  I wouldn't be so in love with the series now if it weren't for the fact that the narrator, Bella Swan, is basically myself.  I can relate to what it's like to move from a large city to a small town and deal with being something of a novelty.  Even worse, I know what it's like to live with a bachelor father and fall for dangerous, beautiful men.  So far I have not seen the movie yet, so the characters take a life of their own in my mind... 

Well, I have to run.  There's so much more to say, but there's work to be done.