Real big time love.  It grows.  You can write poems about it but it will still elude you.  The only way to know it is to feel it and, if it's simply not there, there's no way to be it.  It's been hard for me to love other people.  It's been far too easy to cling to others in vain hopes that they will love me back as much as I imagine I love them.  It's been easy to obsess and talk -- as if every letter in every word I say would conjure up a lover out of men who only just wanted a simple fuck or blow job out of me.  It's been too easy to care more about myself.  I have only myself to really look out for me and care about my needs and I am the only one who can meet them.  I do love myself, you know.  I think we all deserve someone who loves you just as much.  And I quote RuPaul: "If you can't love yourself, baby, how's anybody gonna love you back?"  Of course loving yourself can get out of hand.  Whitney says: "The greatest love of all is easy to achieve..."  Well, that depends on what kind of love you're talking about, I suppose.  I don't agree with Whitney or any old pop song I've heard today.  Loving yourself is just as hard as learning to love someone else.  Real big love has to grow, it has to be nurtured.  I tell myself that I have to stop looking at my body in a negative way.  I have to stop blaming myself for every failed relationship.  Have to stop feeling ashamed every time my romantic sentiments go unrequited.  Have to stop blaming me for the way I look and feel.  I need to lose weight not just to attract a mate, I have to do it to be healthy.  And I have to stop chasing dreams of love and start living love, real big love, right here and now.  I am single.  I am beautiful.  Hear me whisper, and sigh, and roar.  I am hugging my passion right now.  I am touching those soft, warm, breathing things inbetween the legs and they feel like I've cupped two velvet hearts in my hands.  I kiss them with a wish and treat myself to a nice seafood dinner.  I am all over myself.  That's what it is to be Valentina on V-Day -- in love with me.

Tell me...  When was the last time you made love to yourself?