I'm alive and okay.  I went back last night at midnight to a silent house and an equally very quiet brother.  Not much has been said.  We almost forgot to go to a family get-together at my mother's nursing home today!  So run over there last minute.  I had a lot of fun with mom, but Mark, besides posing for one photo (which was the only time he smiled), didn't smile much at all and kept to himself.  He took a walk along the river while mom and I talked.  I took a photo of my mother holding some cotton candy.  The confection looks like it's about to attack her -- she tried to smile in the photo, but she doesn't always have a lot of control for her facial features, her eyes however are very aware and wildly happy.  She noticed that Mark wasn't himself and privately asked me what was wrong.  I told her briefly about what happened yesterday, that he's more moody and aggressive than usual.  This morning Mark told me that he thinks its the Topamax that's messing him up and that he just can't deal with everything right now.  I was like, "okay" and just left him alone.

I had an appointment to see the landlady & landlord I met yesterday but the family picnic thing kept me from going.  I was a dumbass and forgot to get a phone number from these people yesterday, so I'll have to wait for them to call me back.  Mark thinks I won't be able to afford it and is pushing for me to go with subsidsized housing.  This may sound impossible, but I need to move into a place that costs only $200 up to $270 a month.  However I'm getting up to $531 a month disability.  The place I looked at yesterday was for $350.  I think I can wing it, but my brother said "no" and since he's my payee person, there's nothing I can do to change his mind.  The reason why only $200 or so is budgetted for rent is because most places, subsidsized or not, don't include electric, heat, or water in their rent.  If I can find a place that is up to $300 that has everything included in the rent, then my brother will allow me to get it.  He hates me for putting him in this position and grumbles about any apartment I mention to him.  I just don't know how to keep him happy.

So today is quiet.  He's upstairs up to nothing much, he says.  Meanwhile some of my books came in so I'm enjoying looking through them.  I hope to have some drawing done by weekend's end. 

Next weekend: Milwaukee here I come!  I'm so ready to escape this place for a weekend to be with my friends.